It is funny when people come up and ask me, "What's new?" or "How's it going?" I really struggle with how to answer this because most of the time it is not going so great. In fact, not to be the proverbial Debbie Downer or anything, but I really can't remember when things were going awesome. Right now Fran is doing badly in school. She kicks other kids. She bites. Spits. Opera sings. Has to sit in solitary confinement when she is naughty because traditional methods don't work with her. But in all honesty, she is not a traditional kid.
Gus is having a hey-day being defiant. I know he's only four, but I am getting tired of being opposed everytime I make a request of him.
Craig is grumpy. He doesn't listen to me when I talk. I sorta feel like I am just talking to no one at times. I could say really rediculous things and he wouldn't even realize my mouth was moving. He is stressed being the only one at church again and it is weighing on him. All the work falls on him as well as all the hateration. It sucks. I can't even explain what it feels like to have people mad at you just because they don't like the songs your husband picked out for worship or because they don't like where the cross is displayed this week. I got nasty looks from a church member today because someone was spreading lies about me. I kid you not. I have never done anything to merit this treatment, just someone believing a bunch of crap that they have been fed.
I am always bummed out. My house is a disaster, the toilet overflowed, the flooring has to be ripped up, Gus spilled about a gallon of water on the carpet in his room and now it smells like poop, I have no closets in this house and no where to put all the crap that seems to collect in certain hot spots all over my house. My ironing board is overflowing. You can't walk in my office because of the junk from the bathroom where the toilet overflowed is in there. We have mice. My only friend in town moved away. All the moms at church think I am weird. Or evil. Or snotty. Or something else. I don't have a job. Or anything. Oh and my car makes weird noises when you go over a bump.
This is not even getting into the drama that I suffer from having constant family drama. Stuff comes at me from all sides. So how could I ever just tell people all this stuff? No one cares, really. I have decent health, kids, a house, a husband... I really don't have much to complain about other than the fact that I can't remember a time I was really, truly, happy.
I really like to watch this show called LA Ink. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. It is all about tatooing, the artists who tatoo, the people who get the tatoos, why they get the tatoo they get, and everything that could go along with it. I got to thinking about what kind of tatoo I would get and why. I have always loved that swallow tatoo that Jack Sparrow has on his arm and I thought that would be cool to get, cause pirates are pretty rad. I like the idea of a bird, all free and happy... So I came up with this. Two swallows holding a banner that says "FAITH" and "HOPE." Now this is just in my mind, don't get all freaked out yet. If you think it is too cliched, that's cool... just bear with me. So the reason that I choose these two words was because I cling to them. I have to have hope, every day, that things will get better. I don't know what else I have if I can't at least hope that God has something really awesome for me around the corner. I can't even know what that is, I just have to have hope. And the faith part? I have to have faith that it will come true and that it is what God wants for me.
I guess when people ask me how things are going, I could answer, "Faith and Hope," but I think I will stick with, "I'm ok. How are you doing?" And leave it at that.
